Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Rainbows, Time, and a Beautiful Butterfly.



Talking with a friend tonight stirred up the memory of these two pictures. Our beautiful butterfly so tiny in one. Barely fits on Daddy's shoulder. Our beautiful butterfly 3 years later. Barely any room left in Daddy's arms. Lord, please bring her home soon.

Friday, August 10, 2012

1300 days



It's been exactly 1300 days, today, since I fell in love with a little girl in Haiti and she with me. Sometimes, nothing hurts as bad as the passage of time.

~Erin

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Nine Months


Many people compare adoption to pregnancy. That wait for your child. The wait while things develop. The wait for new life to enter your family. The pains along the way.

Tomorrow will be nine months that we have been in IBESR. Nine months. The average time a woman cradles her child in her womb before she cradles that child in her arms instead.. But tomorrow I will still have no child in my arms. Tomorrow our wait will continue.

You see, in pregnancy there is a time frame. And though it has some variation to it, a family knows that within a matter of weeks it will happen. In some adoptions there is no time frame. There is no date to count down to along the way.

In pregnancy there are regular updates. Midwives and doctors measure and listen. They test and compare and tell you how things are going so far. In some adoptions there are no updates. No words of progress. No one to say "good news: things are looking good!"

In pregnancy there is predictable planning and preparing. The family knows they are having a infant. They know the needs. They can plan and prepare with happy hearts as they pick a nursery theme or buy outfits from tiny 0-3 months and up knowing where to start and looking forward to what they know will come

In some adoptions there is no planning. There is no getting ready because sometimes it just breaks your heart. Sometimes you think your child will be home and need a warm sweater, size 3. They will be home and start 1st grade with their sibling. But then, you give that sweater away, having never been worn, because now it's to small. And you plan lessons for one and not two.

In pregnancy you start with a mostly clean slate. A family is blessed with a tiny new person who they love and work with and mold from the start. In adoption the slate is muddied with pain, abandonment, self preservation, and more. And each week, each month that goes by, more walls are built to survive the day-to-day. And we are left praying that the walls aren't too thick and that God guides us in how to tear them down gently.

In pregnancy you are a major part of the process. What you put in your body feeds and nourishes your child. You can talk to your child. Your body keeps that son or daughter safe. As you feel your child flip and kick you know they are there hearing your voice and heart beat... surrounded by the warmth of your body. In adoption you are not really part of the process. Nothing I say or do today will effect how my daughter is doing today.  I cannot protect her. I cannot feed her. I cannot feel her.

No... adoption is not like pregnancy. And seeing nine months of waiting go by is just another painful reminder of that.

Please keep praying for and with us.


Monday, June 18, 2012

A Daddy and a Daughter

Yesterday was Father's day. A day filled with hugs, smiles, and laughter and in some houses a few tears. My husband was surrounded by five beautiful children that showered him in love. But this Father's day, one was still missing... Nephtali. Some days we lose our breath speaking her name. Yesterday was one of those days.

It is said a daddy keeps his child close. And I know, just as I have, my husband left part of his heart there in Haiti, in the heart of a little girl. Yesterday we updated the pictures of all six of our children on the wall. We had a meal of Haitian spaghetti and reminisced about our time spent with her this past December. We held hands and prayed for her and this long road home. She was here with us... close... in the best way that we could.

There is something special about a daddy. A real daddy. They are our heroes. They are our rocks. They are our teachers. They listen. They create memories. They stretch us. They are our security. Their love is unconditional. We feel it every time we call out, Abba, to our heavenly Father. He is special. He is our Daddy.

And even if there is not a legal sheet of paper yet, even if she lives miles away over an ocean, my husband is and forever will be Nepthali's Daddy.









Friday, June 15, 2012

Our Big Daddy


It's June 15th. We've been in IBESR seven months and one week... praying and waiting. It's Friday. For most, Friday is the day of the week you look forward to. For most of us on the adoption road, Fridays mean a coming silence.

Don't get me wrong. Everyone needs time off and down days. Everyone needs time to refresh and renew. But on this journey, those silent days are not days you look forward too. You look forward to Mondays and a whole new week of possible news. But even though we don't look forward to them we need Fridays.

We hold our breath Monday mornings to Friday evenings. When Friday nights come we need to take a deep breath. Sometimes like stubborn children we stomp our feet and say "I don't want to." But thankfully, breathing is something our big smart Daddy made happen naturally. And just like breathing, weekends will come even if we try and hold our breath a little longer. He always knows what we need even when we don't want it.

There has been a few "happenings" in Haiti over the last month pertaining to adoption. At the beginning of last month IBESR (the office in Haiti in which our paperwork waits) temporarily stopped taking new dossiers. Originally they had planned to close from May 7th until the end of June, but have moved the end date to July 30th.

On the surface, closure doesn't sound like a good thing. But the intention of this temporary closing is so that the office can take this time of not accepting new cases to complete the cases they already have in their office. With a new president dealing with chaos, a system with pits and forgotten cobwebbed corners, and  a new director of IBESR having to clean house and concentrate on making sure the children of Haiti in orphanages are safe, there is a backlog in cases.

There are those we know who have been waiting in this office for over a year. The new director stated in a meeting that it is their intention to also get the dispensations from the president that are needed for families to move out of IBESR and into Parquet (court) where families receive their official adoption decree.

So far, during this closure, our orphanage received word of one family getting their dispensation. This family has been waiting almost a year so this was very good news to hear. Their progress brings hope to us and the other families waiting to see movement during this temporary closure.

This past weekend the internet was abuzz with word that President Martelly was going to ratify the Hague Convention on Monday in honor of  "Children's Day" in Haiti. And this did happen on Monday as planned. There is a lot of "ifs" and "buts" that are following this move. In other countries when they have ratified the Hague before they were ready and able to comply with the rules and regulations that come with the Hague, other countries have (further down the road)  pulled out of adoptions from the country.

Haiti doesn't plan on stopping international adoptions and has been working hard to make the changes they need. I don't see them getting it all done in the 90-day grace period they have after signing. It has taken other countries years and years,. But at least they are trying and working toward the goal.  I also do not see the US pulling out of adoptions in Haiti. In the past they have allowed adoptions in progress to proceed.  So we are not worried about things on the US side.

As far as the Haiti side of things, our prayer is that we will continue to see movement during the closure and that we will receive our dispensation and approval during the 90-day grace period. Our agency has told us that, usually, any adoptions in progress are "grandfathered" in and any new changes that are made will not affect us even if we do not get out of this office in the 90 days.

A part of me has to laugh. We have been at this for three and half years. We have weathered false information, an earthquake, government "red tape", Humanitarian Parole denial, disruptions, restarts, policy changes, and now Hague. And do you know what I have to say about that .....OUR GOD IS BIGGER!

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Birthday Blessings



Seven years ago today a little butterfly was born into a land filled with beauty but riddled with extreme poverty. Three and a half years ago God led my husband to Haiti where he met that little butterfly and God showed him that the patterns on her little heart were the same as the patterns on our hearts. We were family. We belonged together.

Since we started the journey to bring our butterfly home we have been blessed to see her grow. At three she was a little butterfly who clumsily flapped her tiny wings as loud as she could to get the attention of others. A little butterfly who danced and sang all the time with a smile to bright your heart just melted on the spot.

Today as she is seven. Her wings have grown. They are still breath-taking to look at but instead of the flash from sequins they now have more of a shimmer to them.She has learned to to flutter her wings gently. She is growing up and one year closer to becoming the beautiful woman God has waiting inside her.

Nephtali's past three birthdays were spent quietly at the orphanage where birthdays are just another day.There are no parties, no presents, no cake. Just the small whispers of the heart as prayers are said giving thanks for life, giving thanks for scarifies, giving thanks for the greatest LOVE of all.

And here in Kansas we gathered as a partial family and sang loudly, hoping a few notes would make it over the ocean. We took pictures of a cake bearing her name for her to see later and know we were thinking of her. There were cards and small gifts set aside with hopes that sometime in the next year someone could take them to her. And we held hands and shed tears as we lifted prayers up to our Lord, thanking Him for knitting her in her mother's womb, for saving her life, for joining our lives with hers, and that maybe this year would be the last birthday spent apart.

Unfortunately that last part has yet to come true but through the blessing of a friend, who has such an amazing heart for Jesus and a love of the precious children of Haiti, this birthday will be a little different. Although still separated by miles, this birthday we will get to share a small part of it with her... as a family.

This evening we will get to Skype with our precious birthday butterfly. We will get to sing and it will make it across the ocean for her to hear. There will be a cake with her name on it and candles to be blown out with a little help from her siblings. There will be a present that we sent down a few weeks ago with friends and we will get to see her smile as she opens it. There will be joy and love shared as a family on this very special day. There will be prayers lifted up together thanking our Lord for her life, for her health, for our time together and that maybe this birthday will be the last birthday away from each other's arm.

Happy Birthday to our precious and beautiful seven year old Butterfly. We love you so much!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

One Day Closer

Yesterday I spent some time going through new and old photos looking of pictures to share with some families who were blessed to meet their children for the first time last month. Today I thought I would share a few photos of our beautiful Butterfly.

Nephtali - age 4





Nephtali - May 2012 - almost 7 yrs old