Feels Like Family

Our friend Emily, who lives at the Lifeline orphanage in Haiti, will be coming home for a month to be surrounded by her family and friends for Christmas. Before she does, she has been taking some of her free-time to let the families adopting from Lifeline Skype with their children. Yesterday was our turn.

Erin got out of work early and we all huddled on the back, arms, and cushions of the poor old couch as it groaned under the strain. Six faces (the seventh face was at work) shifting and bobbing to find an open space on the video feed. And then there she was....the eight face ...on the other side. How I wanted to be able to reach in and pull her to our side. To cram her onto the couch with us, nestled within this mass of bodies that is called family. And even though she hasn't spent one second on the couch, or at our table, or in this house... it is all hers. She is a part of us, even though she is far away.

As many of you know, it will be four years this coming January that we have been working on Nephtali's adoption. Four years of dreaming of her as part of our family, thinking about her walking the hall, playing in the yard, scrambling into the car. Four years of imagining a toddler, a preschooler, and now a little young lady as part of our tribe! And through those years we have always wondered what she was thinking. Did she remember us? Did she miss us? Did she understand just who we are trying to be in her life? Yesterday she let us know.

Her face wiggled all over the screen and then that sweet little voice asked Emily in creole, "Is that all my family?" She was counting us. Us... her family. And she knew someone was missing. She laughed at "her big family." Ivy showed her the space in her mouth where four teeth used to be. Nephtali laughed with her sister about her big gap. She asked Emily what we were all sitting together on. Emily told her it was a couch and pointed down the hall where the only couch at lifeline is and her eyes light up. She wanted to know everyone's ages and shouted with joy when she heard Ivy was 6. She wanted to know if Daniel was a boy or a girl and smiled big when told he was her little brother.

Then there was this moment... "Can I see my bed?"

Now the woman in me said to herself and her husband ...we can't do that. Their room is a huge mess! You see, the room that she will share with Ivy is only a play room right now. Two years ago we painted, polished, and primped this room in preparation for two little girls. It's a cheery yellow room with a play kitchen, dolls, stuffed animals, dress up clothes, a doll house and bunk bed with fluffy bright green polka dots comforters!

But Ivy doesn't sleep there yet. She is still waiting for her sister to come. It's their room and she isn't here yet. Plain and simple.  So each day the little ones go in the room to play (which in children's terms means getting everything out and collecting it in the middle of the floor) and at night the door is closed and the room is left until the morning.

Luckily, though, my voice wasn't the only one. There was Dad's voice saying "Who cares. She wants to see her bed!" And so, laptop in hand, we all marched down the hall and Daddy, keeping most of the floor out of view, put her bed on the screen and there on her precious face was the biggest smile we've ever seen.
It was brighter than the twinkle of the Christmas tree lights, brighter than a spotlight on a stage, brighter than the sun... we have a bed for her! She has a bed! A fluffy soft bed! She has a safe place to dream. She has a place in this home.

There were other things as we continued our Skyping that made that big tooth grin appear. Like seeing the wall in our living room with all of our childrens' pictures on it. She jumped when she saw her own face smiling back at her and when I pointed to everyone and said their names and told that "These are all my babies!"

After, when we had to say goodbye and hit that ugly button on the computer that separates our family again, tears started to slide down my face. Tiny drops filled with sorrow falling from a body aching to hold her, but this time there was a smile on my face and a joy in my heart. We are her family. This is her home. She feels it! She knows... She is part of our family!

Lord, please bring her home!

A Little Update

We were praying hard to hear good news before Thanksgiving and even though the update we received wasn't what we had hoped for, its still a good one.

"Nephtali's court validation is pending and should be arriving soon.".

Please join us in prayer that this does indeed arrive soon and we will legally be a family of 8 before Christmas. It will still be many months before she can come home but we will be all the closer to that day!

Third Time's a Charm

It seems to be a theme in our adoption.  Things don't happen the first time around or the second. It takes 3 tries. October 17 the was a holiday in Haiti, October 24th hurricane Sandy hit Haiti, but October 31st we got word that the court appointment did happen and everything went well.

Now we wait and pray for a few weeks to receive word that our adoption decree has been created and that we are the legal parents to one silly , beautiful, smart, sweet , precious little Plastic Wrap Ninja. 

The Exodus & the Rest of the Journey Home

The waters saw you, God,

the waters saw you and writhed;

the very depths were convulsed.

The clouds poured down water,

the heavens resounded with thunder;

your arrows flashed back and forth.

Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,

your lightning lit up the world;

the earth trembled and quaked.

Your path led through the sea,

your way through the mighty waters,

though your footprints were not seen.

You led your people like a flock

by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

Psalm 77:16-20

And He made a way and led us out of IBESR.

Okay so maybe getting out of IBESR and the parting of the Red Sea are not on the same playing field. But for our hearts,waiting and longing for 11 months and one day, to hear those words, it sure felt like a small miracle.

We have our "Authorization to Adopt." After 3 yrs and 9 months we have Haiti's permission to adopt Nephtali.

Now I know some of you are saying "Huh?" "She isn't coming home yet?" "You still haven't adopted her yet?"

She is closer to coming home. This step was a big one. We are now on to the next step. Possibly even right now as I type, the lawyer will be bringing our file to the Dean of the Court in Croix-des-Bouquets. This next step is known as Parquet (generally pronounced as "par-kett"). It is here that an adoption decree will be created making us the legal parents of one precious Haitian butterfly. But along with that paper being created, is a very complex series of steps and processes involving several offices and repeated trips between them to have everything legalized.

There have been some changes for the good that we are hoping could make this process much quicker than it has been in the past. But there are no guaranties. Other families are seeing this take anywhere from one month to three or four. So please pray with us that God's plan for our adoption has this process take the shorter time-frame.

Once we have the adoption decree and it is legalized, we will still need to wait a little bit longer for our Butterfly to flap her wings and come home. But again, she is much closer.

From there, our file will go to an office called the Ministry of Interior (MOI). At MOI, our file will be checked, and double-checked, for spelling mistakes, forged documentation, and other things. Once everything is found to be in good order, authorization will be granted and our file will be submitted to Haitian Immigration for a passport. Again I cannot say how long this will take. But other families have seen time-frames as small as a few weeks, while others have had problems and were there for as long as seven months. The average seems to be two or three months. But this too, is in God's hands.

Once the request for passports has been made, it can be just a few weeks before they are in hand. After that, there is one more stage: Nephtali's visa. Steps have already been taken toward getting this and once we are at this stage we could be ready to fly within a month to bring our daughter home and this long journey to it's end. 

Then... we will be begin the new journey of being Nephtali's family.

Kisses in the Wind

KISSES IN THE WIND (The Waiting Child's Lullaby)

 [ Dear Nephtali,]  I hold you in my heart and touch you in my dreams.

You are here each day with me, at least that's how it seems.

I know you wonder where we are... what's taking us so long.

But remember child, I love you so and God will keep you strong.

Now go outside and feel the breeze and let it touch your skin...

Because tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God hold you in His hand until I can be with you.

I promise you, my darling, I'm doing all that I can do.

Very soon, you'll have a family for real, not just pretend.

But for tonight, just as always, I blow you kisses in the wind.

May God wrap you in His arms and hold you very tight.

And let the angels bring the kisses that I send to you each night.

--- © Pamela Durkota, written for Josh

Signatures, Dates, & Planning

Some of you heard the shouting last week... we made a little bit of a ruckus. But when you have been waiting for over 10 months to see the words:

 "I am thrilled to tell you that Sarah reported today that you have received a Presidential Dispensation!" 

...you can't help but let the JOY come rushing out of you. Lots and lots of joy!  It comes out in praises, in song, in tears, in whispers, in hugs, in dancing, in smiles, and every other way it can when you have been holding on to Hope for so long.

But that evening some of our joy was stolen for a little bit. Through a few conversations on Facebook we ended up searching for our daughters name in the legal journal that it needed to be published in before our paperwork can go on to the next step. We didn't think we would find it since we had just received our dispensation and it's normally a few weeks before it was published. But upon searching we found it! Dafterly LeHaut (her legal birth name) posted on May 15th.

Our hearts dropped... May 15?! It was Sept 12! How was it published that we received our dispensation nearly four months ago, on May 15th? That night and the following morning there was a lot of phone calls made and emails sent looking for an explanation. The short version of a very long and complicated explanation: someone messed up.

We, in fact, received our presidential dispensation around the end of April.  But sometime after leaving the President's desk... it was left, sitting on a desk, with no inquiries as to its status or whereabouts.  We don't know why and never will.

The idea that we lost four months hurts... BAD! Those were four months during which we could have been making progress. During those four months I've endured some of the hardest days I have ever had. Days I hit rock bottom, waiting for something we didn't know we already had. But because somewhere along the way someone didn't do their job, I was left to wonder... and cry.

So what did we do next? We chose to celebrate for another day! It is what it is and we can't change what happened. We can't redeem that time. But God can. I know God used those days I was in a pit of sadness. I know He used those days of longing to bond her closer to our hearts. They were not wasted.  And the fact still remains... WE GOT OUR SIGNATURE!!!! So even though there were twinges of pain, there was so much more to celebrate and thank God for, and that is where we wanted our hearts to be.

Now the second part of the story is this, the other line of that email we received said this...

"She said that she will pick up your file from IBESR next week!"

For any of you that have been in these adoption shoes, you know what follows: the estimating, the planning, the what-if's, the time-tables, the dreaming! This next step averages about this long, but I knew someone who got it done in this many weeks, and I heard that... and so it goes until you head is spinning and your heart has your child home by the next major family event or holiday.

I was taking a stroll down that road this morning as I sipped my coffee.

It's a road I have walked many times these past 3 1/2 years. But the map has always been upside down, the road signs were after the exit, and it has never gone like I had planned in my head. Too many times I have fallen on the side of the road and cried because I didn't get where I wanted to go. Yet, even with that knowledge, here I was this morning blissfully ignorant to the walk I was once again taking as I looked at the time frames of other adoptions, searched blogs, and Facebook posts. Could she be here by February? Maybe everything will be done by the ministry teams trip in January? Maybe we can delay Christmas for our family so she can be a part of it? All the while my heavenly Father is shaking his head.

He knew. He knew I was go there again. He knew it was too temping. But this morning He stopped me. There was a gentle whisper in my heart that reminded me I hadn't had my quiet time yet. So I stopped my stroll, set down my coffee, quieted my heart, and picked up my devotional and read:

"You will not find my peace in excessive planning: attempting to control what will
happen to you in the future. That is a commonly practiced form of unbelief.

When your mind spins with multiple plans, Peace may sometimes seem to be in your grasp;
yet it always eludes you. Just when you think you have prepared for all possibilities,
something unexpected pops up and throws things into confusion.

I did not design the human mind to figure out the future. That is beyond your capability.

I crafted your mind for continual communication with Me. Bring me all your needs,
your hopes, and fears. Commit everything unto My care.

Turn from the path of planning to the path of Peace."

Oh Daddy, how you know this child of yours. And how you love me. Thank you for your gentle reminders. Thank you for the progress we have seen and the progress yet to come... in your perfect time!!! I look forward to each day spent with you as I try and wait, not plan or predict, for our daughter's homecoming.

Goodness

Yesterday was a hard day. Plain and simple. And that hardness traveled through the night and into the morning. We had heard that a new list of people that had received Presidential dispensations was released. It was true... and again, we were not on it. But others who were behind us were. No matter how hard you want to be filled with joy to see progress for those you care about, no matter how much you want to smile at knowing children you love are one step closer to their families, sometimes you can't stop the tears of pain that fall..

I choked at reading words about God's goodness and wanted to scream. Where was our dose of His goodness? Where is the fairness? How can we hit so many ditches, ruts, and gullies? How can we continue to watch our daughter grow older and older with no day to count down to? How can I stand to see the pain in my children's and husband's eyes as we pray day in and day out only to watch others receive answers and our family only the hollow ticking sound of the clock as time continues to pass.  In pain I let myself become blind and deaf for a moment. I let myself shut out the truth.

God is good... period! God is not good some of the time. God is good all of the time. God cannot be other than what He is. So... if God is good for some... He is good for all. So where is His goodness for us on this day filled with tears? Well, He did try and talk to me before we heard the news, but I didn't want to listen. I was so wrapped up in thinking, in hoping, in dreaming that today would be the day we got good news. He had good news for me but I glazed over it.  My devotion for the morning was this:

"I am your best friend., as well as your King. Walk hand in hand with me through your life. Together we will face whatever each day brings: pleasures, hardships, adventures, disappointments. Nothing is wasted when it is shared with me. I can bring beauty out of the ashes of lost dreams. I can glean Joy out of sorrow, Peace out of adversity." ( Jesus Calling)

Things are not fair sometimes. We are sinners in a sin-filled world and that plague causes pain. But God is GOOD.

So where is my dose of His goodness? It's right there. He is my friend. He is my King. He is with me. I am not alone. And it is enough.