Yesterday was a hard day. Plain and simple. And that hardness traveled through the night and into the morning. We had heard that a new list of people that had received Presidential dispensations was released. It was true... and again, we were not on it. But others who were behind us were. No matter how hard you want to be filled with joy to see progress for those you care about, no matter how much you want to smile at knowing children you love are one step closer to their families, sometimes you can't stop the tears of pain that fall..
I choked at reading words about God's goodness and wanted to scream. Where was our dose of His goodness? Where is the fairness? How can we hit so many ditches, ruts, and gullies? How can we continue to watch our daughter grow older and older with no day to count down to? How can I stand to see the pain in my children's and husband's eyes as we pray day in and day out only to watch others receive answers and our family only the hollow ticking sound of the clock as time continues to pass. In pain I let myself become blind and deaf for a moment. I let myself shut out the truth.
God is good... period! God is not good some of the time. God is good all of the time. God cannot be other than what He is. So... if God is good for some... He is good for all. So where is His goodness for us on this day filled with tears? Well, He did try and talk to me before we heard the news, but I didn't want to listen. I was so wrapped up in thinking, in hoping, in dreaming that today would be the day we got good news. He had good news for me but I glazed over it. My devotion for the morning was this:
"I am your best friend., as well as your King. Walk hand in hand with me through your life. Together we will face whatever each day brings: pleasures, hardships, adventures, disappointments. Nothing is wasted when it is shared with me. I can bring beauty out of the ashes of lost dreams. I can glean Joy out of sorrow, Peace out of adversity." ( Jesus Calling)
Things are not fair sometimes. We are sinners in a sin-filled world and that plague causes pain. But God is GOOD.
So where is my dose of His goodness? It's right there. He is my friend. He is my King. He is with me. I am not alone. And it is enough.