If you're a parent you will understand (at least some will) how you can love a child so deeply even when you have not held that child. How even though your arms haven't wrapped around that little person created in God's image, your heart encompasses them with every beat.
I have yet to hold our sweet Nephtali in my arms. It just hasn't been in God's timing yet. Nine months of cradling a baby in your womb, waiting to hold that someone for the first time, was a piece of cake compared to this wait. But I trust the One who created me and I know that one day this prayer will be answered too. He has whispered a tender lullaby to my longing soul . A lullaby that that only a parent that has longed for His own children could sing.
I know some have wondered why my husband has been to see her so many times but I have yet to go. Again, it's all in God's timing. If you have read "The Whole Story" then you know his soul had to wait years just to get to Haiti. Waiting can be a good thing.
If we have patience and wait upon the Lord, sometimes He has blessings for us that we would miss if we didn't wait. If my husband had gone Haiti when he first felt the tug, he wouldn't have met our daughter. He would have been in another part of the country doing work where it was needed for God's greater purpose, but not where our tiny child was waiting for someone to love her. How I shutter at the thought of that.
The year of my husband's second visit, our youngest was still too little to leave his Mama's arms. Everyday was still a challenge to keep him healthy and strong. Although I was needed here, hubby was able to to go back to Haiti. And then the earth shook in Haiti... and the people and children cried... and a scared little girl was held by her papa while his Father held him. Again, it was God's timing!
The months go by and a new year is fast approaching. People start asking if this is the year I go to Haiti to hold our little girl. Is it my turn? Is this pregnancy over? Why doesn't hubby just stay home with the kids instead? The answer was no, and for good reason. You see, for two years now, her papa has come to her.
For two years she has felt safe and loved in his arms. She knew that she is his and he is hers. But the last time he left her, her world was in shambles. Death still hung in the air with its pungency and darkness. Hopelessness spread through the rubble and cracks. Safety a daily struggle all around. Add to those monsters that crept all around her little world the fact that the last time she saw her papa, in her 4 yr old mind, he had left her behind.
He left with the group; but then came back. And when he did, he didn't take her with him. Instead, he took several of her friends. How did her little heart break? Did she wonder if he still loved her? Oh the pain of a heart too little to understand that he couldn't take her. And that her friends leaving with him wasn't because he had changed his mind about loving her but because they had a God-given window opened for them to go home to their new families.
There was no hesitation about who would go on the trip this year. She needed to feel her daddy's loving strong arms again. She needed to know she is still the apple of his eye. She needed to know we were still wanting and working toward bringing her home. She needed that stability in her rocky little world. How could I as her mama not give her that because of selfish thoughts of wanting to go instead. When you love that deep, you will do anything for your children. Just ask God. So I waited. And hubby got on that plane again.
The other day I posted the picture that a friend secretly snapped of a 'moment' he said he wasn't sure he wanted to impede on. The moment when Nephtali knew her papa still loved her. He was still there for her. He was still trying to bring her home. Do you remember that 'moment?' That moment when your world was a mess... but you found out that your heavenly Daddy still loved you? That He was still there for you? That he still wanted to bring you home? What a feeling that was!!!
I am so glad our daughter got to feel that in her little world. Someday when we finally have her home we'll teach her all about her heavenly Daddy and someday she will have that 'moment' again. All in God's timing.